Perfectionism: A Guide to Letting Go (Sort Of)
I’ve wanted to blog on my website for ages, and guess what? It’s finally happening! Cue confetti Although, I didn’t expect to kick things off with perfectionism of all things. Full disclosure: I’m a perfectionist—a recovering one, or at least trying to be. I aim for the "adaptive" kind of perfectionism because, you know, small victories!
And hey, since I love giving recommendations like they're going out of style, here’s one for all my fellow perfectionists: The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control. (I’d also recommend The Imperfect Perfectionist, but let’s be real—I still haven’t read it, even though my therapist is basically throwing it at me at this point. Fun fact: I kept the first book so long, the library sent me a "please return it, or else" notice. But hey, at least I finished it!)
For those who are more into quick bites, here’s the TL;DR:
Forget balance. According to the author, “Perfectionists are not balanced people,” and that’s totally fine. Honestly, balance is overrated. Instead, stop taking perfectionism for granted. Remember, “You are not flawless, but you are whole, complete, and perfect as you are” (Morgan Schafler). See? Perfect as you are—doesn’t that sound nice?
Now, here's the part that blew my mind: some people can strive for success without being perfectionists. I mean, what? How do you just... stop? I wouldn’t know—I’m still here triple-checking this blog post. But apparently, high strivers can choose to stop and feel totally at peace. Meanwhile, perfectionists like us are stuck in a never-ending race with ourselves. Joy!
One definition that really stuck with me: “Perfectionists constantly notice the gap between an ideal and reality, feeling compelled to bridge that gap” (Morgan Schafler). Like, yes, thank you for describing my entire existence in one sentence.
Another gem: "Some people can daydream about ideals without feeling pressure to achieve them" (Morgan Schafler). Um, I wish! I can barely daydream without scheduling a five-point action plan. But I’m learning to lean into adaptive perfectionism: high self-regard, high engagement, and low perceived failure. In other words, treating perfectionism more like a quirky sidekick than a soul-crushing overlord.
The book’s key message: “Ideals aren’t meant to be achieved, they’re meant to inspire.” Mind. Blown. Turns out, all those "external wins" don't make or break you when you’re connected to your self-worth. Who knew?
I’ve gotten better at connecting with my self-worth lately—progress, people! But, true to form, I still think I can do better. #PerfectionistProblems
And there you have it—just some highlights from The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control. I highly recommend it to any perfectionist, or anyone who has a perfectionist in their life and wants to understand our charming quirks. You’ll thank me later!
